Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
