So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
