they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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