FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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