I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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