his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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