I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
