now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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