boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
