Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
