Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
