Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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