So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
