They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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