And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
