rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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