So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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