mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
