Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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