dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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