i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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