so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
