I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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