Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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