We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you