My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.