Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.