Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato