Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.