JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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