he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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