I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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