someone threw a dead crab at me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
