I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
