I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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