dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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