Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
