and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize