Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
