On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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