thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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