My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
