Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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