billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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