We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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