THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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