in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
