i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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