wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
