that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
