I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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