i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
