I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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