Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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