and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
