Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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