That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
