I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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