i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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