my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
