So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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