ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just come out here and I will go home with you...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
