if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
