Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
