Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
