I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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