I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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