Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
