is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
